As promised, here are the 10 tips that we hope will help anyone looking for a new job not to look like a moron:

1. Read the job posting. Read it again. This isn't that hard. Just read the damn job posting and follow the requests you read there. Cover letter? Resume? Portfolio? If it says that you need those you do. No excuses. Showing that you at least read the job posting shows that you're minimally interested in the job.
2. Know where you're applying. This is another easy one. Find out about the company you're applying to. Are they primarily interested in CPG (consumer packaged goods) advertising? Do they work with non-profits? Do they believe that running around naked while juggling live chickens makes them more creative? Chances are if you spend more than 5 minutes with their web site, you'll find out. Make sure that your contact and your coverletter with them show that you know what you're getting into.
3. Acknowledge the contact person listed in the ad. Putting "Dear ," in your cover letter is a one-way ticket to the trashcan. I know it doesn't seem like much but acknowledging the person who actually posted the ad shows that 1) you care about what you're applying for; 2) you know how to show a modicum of respect; and 3) you aren't just sending out form letters to every job posing you see. It might just be another listing to you but to us it matters a lot AND we have to spend the time looking at what you send. If you don't care about us, why should we care about you?
4. Spellcheck! Come on...how hard is it to pay attention to the dotted red lines under the words that you wrote? In this day and age there's really no excuse for misspelled words. Allowing spelling typos to come through in your resume or cover letter shows that you really just don't give a poo (and that you can't handle the bare essentials of technology). Come on. Just use spellcheck. It ain't that hard.
5. Don't use MS Word "resume" templates. We know what they look like. You're not being "creative" by using the pre-designed templates that come with Word. You're being a sheep and we don't want sheep. If you don't have the design chops to put a little bit of your skill behind the most important document you're sending us, why should we believe that you'd do any different for clients?
6. Write a cover letter that shows that you know the bare facts about the job and the company where you're applying. First of all, "form" cover letters look like form cover letters. We know that you're just filling in the blanks. Give us a little credit, huh? And if you decide to write a custom cover letter, at least mention that you've seen our work or know what we do. You could be the greatest designer or IA in the world, but if you don't show that you can learn the bare essentials about us, you suck. Period.
7. If you're sending an email, use a subject line that makes sense. We've gotten cover letters/resumes from people who used "potato" as their subject line. Huh? What tha...? We get a lot of email. If you use a stupid subject line because you think you'll get noticed, we'll probably think it’s spam. It doesn't make you look creative. It makes you look like a dork.
8. Don't have a stupid free email account screen name. This is a biggie. While it might be cool as an undergrad, having an email address like hottiemcsnottie324@gmail.com isn't exactly going to make us think that you're someone who'd be mature enough to handle the work we're going to give you. Grow up. Use your name (or something close to it). Cute only goes so far. And it ends with when you try to get a job.
9. Don't beg, wheedle, or stalk people. Please. We don't want to be your Facebook friend (unless we hire you). We don't like pleading phone calls. We don't want emails that beg us for an interview. If you've been told "no thank you" then accept it and move on. Anything else smacks of desperation and if you're desperate we have to wonder why. It probably ain't good.
10. Don't lie. We'll find you out. Do you think we don't call references? Do you think we don't check out your URLs? Do you think that we're not going to try to get to the bottom of your statement that you "lead the team that redesigned Amazon.com?" One way or another the truth will out. If you lie in your cover letter or resume, we will discover the truth at some point. And then where will you be? Besides, either you've done the work or you haven't. If you haven't then you're probably not qualified. We'll know.

Bonus tip: If you're a freelancer or small businessperson who sees a job posting and thinks to themselves "Huh! They could probably use what I do! I'll send them some information about my company" don't.